The 36 Green Flags: What Healthy Actually Looks Like

Red flags get all the attention — including ours. But knowing what to run from only solves half the problem. Plenty of people can list ten warning signs and still can't answer the harder question: what does good actually look like? That's the question BaeScore™ — now live in Cray 2.4 — was built to answer, with 36 specific, observable green flags across six categories.

Below is the complete list — every flag the assessment scores, and what each one looks like in real life.

Accountability & Growth

Growth isn't a promise; it's a track record. This category measures whether someone can own their part — and whether anything changes after they do.

• Sincere apology. Real ownership, without a "but" — anything else is just blame changing seats.
• Personal responsibility. The same problems don't keep happening without someone claiming their part.
• Feedback receptiveness. Input creates reflection, not defensiveness — and never gets turned into criticism of you.
• Self-reflection. After conflict, they examine their side unprompted.
• Behavior change. Change you can observe — promises that lead to different outcomes, not just different words.
• Personal growth. The relationship improves over time instead of looping through the same issues.

Communication & Repair

Not the absence of conflict — the presence of repair. Every relationship has ruptures; this category measures what happens next.

• Open communication. Problems get talked about, not stored — no going silent when things matter.
• Listening. Focused on understanding you, not on defending themselves or reloading.
• Directness. Issues get named now — not deflected into "we'll deal with it later."
• Conflict de-escalation. Tension makes them calmer, not louder.
• Conflict resolution. They try to solve it, not win it — no scorekeeping, no needing to be right.
• Repair attempts. After a rupture, they move toward you — follow-up, accountability, never pretending it didn't happen.

Effort & Relational Investment

You can feel where you rank in someone's life by what they do when nothing is being asked of them.

• Consistency. Interest that doesn't spike and vanish — inconsistency only ever creates confusion.
• Follow-through. Plans, commitments, and timelines actually materialize. Trust is built, not promised.
• Initiative. Effort you didn't have to request — you're not carrying all the momentum.
• Appreciation. You feel valued, not taken for granted.
• Priority. You never have to guess where you stand — availability isn't conditional.
• Shared experiences. Time and energy that deepen past surface level into something real.

Emotional Responsiveness

This category measures whether your inner life registers with them — which is different from being tolerated.

• Emotional awareness. They notice something's off before you announce it.
• Empathy. What you share lands with care — not redirected back to them, not minimized.
• Emotional validation. Your experience is respected even when they disagree with your conclusions.
• Behavioral care. Anyone can say the right thing — consistent behavior is what proves it's real.
• Support during stress. They show up when you need it, in actions, not just words.
• Feeling understood. Conversations leave you feeling heard — the quiet thing that keeps small issues small.

Emotional Security & Self-Regulation

Psychological safety is the green flag underneath every other one: you never brace before sharing news.

• Emotional stability. Predictability — the thing that actually makes people feel safe.
• Proportional response. Small problems stay small instead of triggering outsized reactions.
• Jealousy management. Insecurity handled internally — never as accusations, monitoring, or pressure.
• Boundary respect. Your no is honored without guilt, pushback, or repeated testing.
• Steadiness over volatility. Closeness that doesn't whiplash between hot and cold — intensity is not intimacy.
• Psychological safety. You can be honest without editing yourself to avoid the reaction.

Mutual Respect & Autonomy

Partnership stays equal even when it's inconvenient — and disagreement never costs you dignity.

• Equal partnership. Decisions, opinions, and boundaries carry equal weight — no one consistently overrides.
• Independence. Room for individuality without punishment — space, not dependency.
• Non-control. Suggestions never feel like pressure over your decisions.
• Support for goals. Your future is something they value, not compete with.
• Healthy outside balance. Friendships and family encouraged — never quietly discouraged.
• Respect during conflict. No tone shifts, dismissiveness, or disrespect under pressure — conflict reveals more than calm ever does.

Why measure the good stuff?

Because absence of bad isn't presence of good. A relationship can be free of red flags and still be empty of effort, repair, and care. And because people healing from bad relationships often can't trust their own read on a healthy one — calm can feel boring, and kindness can feel suspicious, when chaos was your normal. A structured look at green flags recalibrates the instrument.

BaeScore™ scores all 36 of these from what you've actually observed — free, like CrayScore™ and SchemerScore™, on iOS, Android, and the web. Run it alongside a CrayScore™ for the whole picture — or start right here: six categories, thirty-six behaviors, one honest look at how someone actually treats you.